Void of Space

I have been out of the states for three days.

I'm actually having a good time.

Granted, I had to pay to use this computer in this lodge-thing... but it was bugging me that I have nothing to do till tomorrow.

I've meen to a Maori cultural center, and that was fun. Didn't smell good, though... in fact, this whole part of New Zealand doesn't smell good. The vast majority of the area is centered right on top of some hot springs... and sulfur is abundant. As a friend said, "Ewwww, Muy mal huevos.."

There is a plus... one of the girl's from the Florida group. Name is Brittney. (Or however she spells it...) I highly doubt she's gay, but she's pretty. Nice, too. She slept for nearly the whole 16-hour plane trip from LA to Auckland. I like her, and we've talked a bit. But there are only two people on this trip who know I'm gay. They don't talk about it, or acknowledge it, and I'm glad for that. (Thanks, Leslie and Alyssa.)

I went bungy-jumping! Oh, that was fun. Would have been more fun if I was by myself, but Chelsae (sp?) really wanted to go, but is deathly scared of heights. It took me and two guys manning the crane-thing to convince her that everything would be okay. I was thinking about just picking her up and jumping, but we were attached at the feet and waist, so that wouldn't have worked. That, and I could have gotten hurt.

I have a bruise on the inside of my left arm. :(

I watched sheep get sheered, too. It was weird, how the sheep just went limp. They hardly struggled. I went and bought two whistled that the guy used. You're supposed to use them to control sheep and herding dogs. Took me a while to figure out how to use them.

I miss Cyra... but I haven't cried. I did that before I left. Mom was crying too, and I told her not to do that when I was getting on the bus. I think she's worried that the plane was gonna crash, or I was gonna get mugged, or hurt/killed. But I'm fine. I'm taking my Airborne and all that, and I'm eating. (I had a big-ass breakfast this morning. --It's 7:04 pm on 5/31 right now.-- Cereal, sausage, toast, hashbrowns, fruit, water and juice and coffee. Oh, it was good.)

God, I'm tired... kinda distant, too. Guess I'm just feeling lonely. Everyone in this group has suddenly paired up in pairs or little groups, and I'm still on the outside. That happens, no matter where I go or what I do. I went to dinner with the Friebe's, and got to talk to Rachael. We don't do that too often. I still felt left out... maybe because I'm not 18 yet. If you're 18, they allowed you to go clubbing and drink alcohol. But not to the point of trouble or intoxication.

Gotta go, time's just about up.

Read this...

http://www.planetout.com/news/article.html?2005/01/24/1

It's obvious. People think creating a second-class citizen ship and discriminating against its own people is more important than, say, the "war" effort. Or unemployment. Or the homeless. Or illegal aliens. Or oil. Or finding cures for serious diseases and cancers, like AIDS or breast cancer.

Need I go on?

It's official. I've decided to miss that plane coming back from Australia. I'll just see if Tressa's player'll let me move in with her until I get my own place. Not that it's likely or anything... Or maybe I'll just move to Canada.

I don't get it though. A country's government that claims to value freedom over everything else is trying to pass a law that will limit freedoms of a minority group simply because they can't stand the thought of two men or two women being married and in love and trying to adopt kids who need good parents, or because they think it's "unnatural".

They called african-americans "unnatural" way back when, you know. "White" people couldn't bear sharing an eating establishment with them, and when they had to, they african-americans were always moved to the back of the line.

And who says kids need a mother and father, sex wise? Shouldn't that mean that divorce should be banned? What about pre-marital sex? (Did I spell that right?) Shouldn't those be banned, too? As in, to the point of jail time or discrimination? Should those kids be taken away because they don't have a "natural" mother and father figure? I think it's a mother and father, action wise.

I have the urge to write many many senators and say what I just did.

In fact, maybe I will. I'll be voting age in October. :P

Someone put my blog on this Blogger Delights thing, but I think they got my blog and Emma's blog confused. Sometimes Blogger gets high and does this "Blog of the Day" thing where if someone goes to one blog, they get mine, or Emma's, or someone else's, and if they go to a different one, they get the same thing.

It's real stupid.

I finally heard from Amanda. Late last week, I e-mailed her yesterday just before I left school. Apparently she's really busy, with her own place and two jobs and things like that. Kinda makes me feel like I'm getting on her nerves.

Beginning to doubt that Rachael will come. She hasn't talked to me in a while. I tried talking to her, and she just logged off or put up an away message. If she's too busy or doesn't want to talk... she should just say so.

Mom's transferring me to Peetz next year. It's a smaller school, the teachers should be a bit better at helping students out, since there isn't as many there.

I've just been real... apathetic lately. Don't care much about anything, I'm ready for school to get out. I'm done with Sidney, I won't be coming back here for anything but work.

Plans for Pride are still go, though. For me, anyway. It'll be a chance for me to get out and meet new people, make friends, things like that. Maybe I'll even feel comfortable. That's something I haven't felt since... well, last year.

Becca and I got a new game. Unreal Championship 2. Kick-ass game. Becca makes a nasty Selket/Laura. Would be funny to watch me and her play, with me as Laura and her as Selket. "Were doth goest the woman who copieth my look?" "Dammit, get out of my way!" "Ahhhhhhh!!! Where am I? Where is it? Ahhhhhhhh!!"

Yeah.

We'll get XBox Live, for when I leave for college, and I'll get a cheap XBox or something. Then me and Becca (And Kenny if he gets XBox Live and UC2) can go and kick eachother's butts over several hundred miles.

Crazy plan....

Why does that hurt? I had a feeling that it wouldn't happen... but it still hurts.

Kinda like rejection, all over again.

Maybe I won't go to Pride. It might actually hurt. I should, simply to keep a promise to myself... but I dunno.

I haven't heard from Amanda in over a month. That hurts too. She promised me she'd be there... but she isn't.

That's my fault, too. At least, that's how I feel.

At least I'm transferring. Maybe I can start over. Be more social, get friends. Unless I'm too scared to try, too scared to risk getting hurt again to stop that lonely feeling.

A friend of mine is transferring, too. She's moving to Scottsbluff over the summer, maybe I'll ask her to refer me to any lesbians in Scottsbluff High. I know of at least one, maybe two. SB's a big place, I'm sure there's a few.

Hah, what am I saying? I don't belong here... now? I don't know anymore. I don't really care. Things have been building up, ever since homecoming. God, I hate this... I feel like a time bomb. I'm even starting to mouth off to teachers. That isn't like me...

I'm falling apart, I don't have anything to hold myself together anymore. I'm tired of lies and broken promises and false hopes and fronts. I can't take much more of this.

I feel so bitter. And it hurts. A lot. What do I do? Who can I turn to now, who is going to understand me?

Where did you go... why did you leave? What did I do wrong? Come back... or write, or something... Anything...

I am: 0% Republican.

"You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)"

Are You A Republican?