Void of Space

Crazy plan....

Why does that hurt? I had a feeling that it wouldn't happen... but it still hurts.

Kinda like rejection, all over again.

Maybe I won't go to Pride. It might actually hurt. I should, simply to keep a promise to myself... but I dunno.

I haven't heard from Amanda in over a month. That hurts too. She promised me she'd be there... but she isn't.

That's my fault, too. At least, that's how I feel.

At least I'm transferring. Maybe I can start over. Be more social, get friends. Unless I'm too scared to try, too scared to risk getting hurt again to stop that lonely feeling.

A friend of mine is transferring, too. She's moving to Scottsbluff over the summer, maybe I'll ask her to refer me to any lesbians in Scottsbluff High. I know of at least one, maybe two. SB's a big place, I'm sure there's a few.

Hah, what am I saying? I don't belong here... now? I don't know anymore. I don't really care. Things have been building up, ever since homecoming. God, I hate this... I feel like a time bomb. I'm even starting to mouth off to teachers. That isn't like me...

I'm falling apart, I don't have anything to hold myself together anymore. I'm tired of lies and broken promises and false hopes and fronts. I can't take much more of this.

I feel so bitter. And it hurts. A lot. What do I do? Who can I turn to now, who is going to understand me?

Where did you go... why did you leave? What did I do wrong? Come back... or write, or something... Anything...