Void of Space

I'm so goddamn angry....

You gotta love retards who think it's alright to tell you that you need to go to some meeting the day it's happening, 20 minutes before it starts.

And at the same time, you have had plans for something else since the week before.

Can't wait to get out of here. Insensitivity must be prevailent in a small town....

That and shithead-ness....

Wow, that's not even a good word. See? This is what happens when I get angry. I can't think and I want to break things. Especially if they make a nice loud shattering sound when being broken...

Mom's chickens came yesterday. Well, the chicks did. We got them all moved in, and then noticed a few were looking kinda weak.

We noticed one too late. We got him in, and I was up all night and giving the chick water every hour, so I got no sleep. Came home during lunch to check on him, and he was looking worse. Could hardly stand, would barely drink, and he looked like he was having a hard time breathing. I sat down and cried and tried to get him to drink, and was almost late getting back to school. He peeped at me, sorta, when I was leaving.

I came back home, and he was dead.

I've always gotten attached to the animals we get, except maybe the cows. It just seems to me that animals return affection better than lots of humans do.

Babies shouldn't die, though.... no matter the species...


.................................



I've finally let go of Amanda, like Rachael told me I should. Why hurt myself like that? If it burns, don't touch it. She won't help herself, she puts herself in bad situations and then wonders why these things have to happen. I should be looking out for myself, I need to get myself back on track. I could have been well into my religion and all, but I put it off... now I'm gonna try again.

I'm also going to be assertive, and try to make new friends. Most likely outside of Sidney, so I can get out of here every once and a while. Maybe Denver, lots of people and I like big cities. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a potential girlfriend who's sincere and who likes me for me.

......

You're right, that doesn't happen often. It's okay to dream, though, right? As long as I don't get carried away.

I've been numb ever since I read her e-mail... "fuck off"....

The tears have just now started to flow.

This is the last time I trust anyone, even family. Here that, kids? Don't listen to your parents when they tell you to tell someone you really care about the things I did (I'd give examples... but thinking about it is going to make me angry at myself. The last time that happened, I cut myself. Three times.)

Cause if you do go off on that someone, you're gonna lose them.

Just like I lost her....

I am still disappointed in her...

But what she said really hurt. :,(

Too bad I have no knives... I could really use something sharp right about now.

What am I going to do? I still care, I still cry...

I can't help but think that she won't call... I want to see her while she's here, because I have no idea how long she's staying.

But like that'll ever happen...

Yeah, I'm feeling pretty depressed right now. I can't help it... I can't believe her, or anyone for that matter. She's lied to me...

It's a good thing I threw away all my short knives. Otherwise, I'd have more than 6 scars on my arm.

Still feeling like something someone tossed aside. Still mad at Rachael, really have no intention of talking with her for a good long while.

After the stunt she pulled on me yesterday (suddenly leaving after saying she wanted to walk in front of a bus and didn't want to take it anymore) I still think she was acting selfish and inconsiderate when she said that.

If she keeps acting like this, she'll have to look for new friends. I can't take any of that right now, my own suicidal feeling has been lingering since Christmas.

This is also making me extremely.... pissy. It's been taking nearly everything I have to keep from going postal on people.

Where is she? Why hasn't she replied?

Has she forgotten me? Does she even care?

She said she'd be there for me... and with Rachael acting all suicidal, who am I gonna turn to if she isn't? She promised...

Oh god....

Why's Rachael doing this? She's letting these people get to her, and there isn't anything I can do to make her ignor it. She was talking like she was going to commit suicide, or was seriously thinking about it.

Scarey thing is, she's actually -tried- to do this before.

She's so... thick. Shallow might also be a good word. She cares too much about what other people think. And she doesn't listen to those who really care about her. She even acts selfish, but I don't think that's the real her. She's not selfish, she's just had a hard time and doesn't know how to get through it.

I've tried to let her know that I still have the same feelings for her that I did over a year ago, but I don't think she's getting it. I know there won't ever be a chance for us again, but I can still be there for her.

How can I feel like this for two different people?

I have a headache and my eyes hurt. I'm gonna go to bed. The only way I'll get to sleep is if I cry. I guess you gotta do what you gotta do...

"It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger’s football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on his bedroom floor

There’ll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they’ll lay him ‘neath a stone

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin’ no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely…and nobody know

Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Dad forget to say ‘I love you son‘?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?
I’m not blamin’ anybody, we all do the best we can
I know hindsights 20/20, but I still don’t understand

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin’ no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely…and nobody know

It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger’s football score"



I heard this song when I was heading home from the land.

It hit me pretty hard... maybe because I've tried to commit suicide.

I'm waiting for her to write back, or call. I miss her... and I worry, and she tells me not to. :(

I'm scared she's going to forget me...

You are a very cool vampire, you rank as a
Mercenary. You are a deadly vampire and not one
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trench coats and so on. You are not asshamed to
be a vampire and you use your gift for your own
advantage, your job paying highly you are never
short of money. You are a deadly killing
machine, and yet irrisistible to humans and
vampires alike. Please rate this quiz!


What Kind Of Vampire Would You Be. (New And Improved, With COOL Pics!!!) FOR GIRLS ONLY!!!!
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That's not really something I'd wear....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IN YOUR FACE!


You're a Boi Dyke!
You kick ass, dear. Serious, serious ass. You're
the type of girl who can change the timing belt
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then do shots with me back at your place. Will
you marry me?

Which Lesbian Stereotype Are You?
/img>

# posted by Lizz @ 8:21 AM