Void of Space

Did any of it really matter? She said it did, but what if it was just another lie? When I had asked her if what I had been told was true (the threesome) she said it wasn't. Said she had only slept with one person in the last several months, but either that was a lie, or the note she gave me with three different people she slept with was a lie. But either way, she lied...

She lied to me so many times... I don't know who or what to trust anymore. I can't even trust my pendulum or my dreams. They say she never cared, that she would have used me, that none of it mattered.

Does she remember? Does she even think about it? I doubt it affected her like it did me. Does she think about me? Did she really, on her birthday, or was that a lie too? It happened about three months ago... maybe four. November... at a friend's house.

Did it really mean anything?

I feel sick... I'm giving up, really. My stomach is churning, empty, but I'm not eating anymore. Hardly sleeping. I just want to give up. I haven't cut myself since she left... I'm too tired to start now.

Why can't I be happy? Does my lonelyness really affect me that much? What's it going to take to be happy again? Why is she hurting me this much? I should hate her for the lies, but I don't. I... it's the exact opposite. But she'll never feel the same for me, ever... I don't think she even misses me.

If I left, who would miss me? My family, yes... Emma... but who else?

No one....