Void of Space

I think... it's time to turn off my phone. She said good-bye, she hasn't responded to my last two e-mails. Disappearing... leaving. Nothing like that helps at all. It won't fix anything, it'll only tear the wound open wider.

Still don't know what happened, what went on... so I don't know what needed to be fixed.

Whatever. Maybe mom's right, maybe I just need to learn and move on. Mom wanted me to get rid of Amanda's Christmas gift, but I just can't. I also can't let this thing beat me. My depression has been so much worse, all because I can't figure out what happened... if I knew, I may not be this bad.

If promises weren't compromised and broken, I'd be even better.

My grandparents will be here today. I need to snap out of this. I need to be happy, or at least act like it. I have a dog that loves me more than anyone else does, or will ever. I have a bird to take care of, who will never fly again (although she's gotten pretty good at bouncing around in that cage). I have to decide if I want to transfer to a different school. I need to get money for my motorcycle riding classes. I need to stop this goddamned crying.

I also need to get my grades back up. And spend time with my family. And figure out why the hell I even have the time and energy to be like this, or do anything.

I need to get my life back on track. I always think I've lost everything, but I haven't. Just a big part of it.