Void of Space

I'm finally pulling myself out of that extreme low I fell into on Friday. Or maybe it was Saturday... can't remember. Still not sure about what put me there. Then again, maybe I'm just scared to admit it, accept it.

Still haven't let Wednesday go. Every time I think about it, I can't help but smile. And then I get to thinking about everything that happened between then and now... I can't shake the feeling that it didn't mean as much as I wanted it to. That she really does want me to hate her. That she's trying to get me to leave.

I was told not to be afraid to explore. But... I can't. In any way. Not while she's still with him. I stopped trying to understand the logic behind that one... It gives me headaches and makes me feel sick in the stomach. Angry. Depressed... I wanted to, -want- to, but that's holding me back.

.........

No, it would never have happened. Probably never will. I doubt she'd want to, I doubt she'd go along with it.

I'm over Rachael, now. Took me a very long time. Lots of cuts, blood, tears, sleepless nights, but I managed. I've finally moved on. But now, I think... I might have someone else to get over. And nothing even happened.

When is this going to stop... I don't want to take anymore of this. How much of this can one person take?