Void of Space

I feel... I dunno, down I guess. Not as descriptive as I wanted, but that's the best I can do right about now.

It'll always be no. Don't know why I try. I really should give up, even other people are telling me this. But I've never given up on anything. Accept being straight.. I stopped trying to do that.

I suppose I feel a bit empty, too. Numb. Hell, I wish.... numb would be good right about now. I have that pain in my chest... the empty/lonely/rejected/worthless pain.

Why the hell am I even bitching about this? I walked right into it, damnit. I saw it and didn't stop. Now look at where it's gotten me. I feel horrible, useless. Forsaken. And I'm still not backing down.

In a way, I'm as stupid as she thinks she is.

I wish... that this would all go away. Disappear. I wish I knew how to make it go away... other than through death. But if that were to happen... I'd end up stuck here. A ghost, a hateful and vengeful spirit. That's not what I want.

But I don't want this, either.... here's a poem. Wrote it yesterday.

Do You Care

Do you care about what happens to me
Or do you refuse to believe what you see?
Why can't you see my pain, plain as day?
What force causes your hand to stay?

The pang of lonelyness bores into my soul
My heart's fire, now a pit of worthless coal
What have I done to deserve your rejection?
Why must you be the object of my affection?

You've tossed me aside like so many before
This monster, you cannot possibly adore
For a time, I thought you different from the rest
Has everything you've done to me been out of jest?

Forsake my soul, seems what you decide
In me, you just can't seem to confide
Try as I might, I can't win your love
My soul will never fly as the dove.

It's kinda depressing. Becca thought it was good, though. Certainly describes how I feel. But I won't back down from the promise I made her.

A friend, nothing more.