Void of Space

God, I worry about her, and I care about her so much, I'm scared to actually tell her. I had a chance in the car, but I couldn't actually say it. I was to scared. Scared of denial, rejection...

Now I have no idea where she is. I went to Mi Ranchito to get something to eat, since BP let me go early, and the first thing anyone working there says to me is "She's not here." I had to stop and think about it for a moment before it dawned on me that they were talking about Amanda. Is it that obvious that I look for her the moment I walk in? I just needed something to eat...

Of course, my appetite quickly took a break when I heard -why- she wasn't there. She had been taken to the hospital, then the police station. Apparently, someone finally made her go to the doctors and the cops, but I'm worried about what her mom is gonna do. I was told her mom got an e-mail saying "Amanda thought it was great, that's why she has the bruises" and I got furious. I don't believe the e-mail, and I don't see how anyone can possibly enjoy getting bruises like -that-.

Besides, she can't remember anything. You don't surpress something you like.

And I think I've killed that goddammed annoying little voice that lives in my head. The one that always says the exact opposite of what I'm trying to believe. And as far as I'm concerned, it can stay dead.

God, I don't feel good.... I think I'm making myself sick. I just want to make sure she's all right, and let her know that... well....

I've been trying to get this poem posted on FictionPress, but none of the computers I've used have been able to do it. I guess I'll just post it here. I hope I'm not making a big mistake, I don't want her to leave. She's given me a reason to try harder, to keep going. Even if I can't have her.... I'm glad she came back. I don't want her to leave again, but if she has to, then I understand.


Pain in Your Eyes
The pain in your eyes, it's hard for me to stand
It's hard to resist the urge to steal you away
I'd do anything for you, if you need a helping hand
But fear of and for you keep me at bay

To see him hurt you, it brings upon me rage
The Fires of Hell couldn't match its heat
Compare it to a beast, trying to get out of its cage
The inevitable, it is no great a feat

Your bruises, they mar your body and soul
The pain is obvious in your eyes
One day, I'll bury him in a hole
And take you away into the skies

I asked where you wanted to go, you said the stars
I'll take you there, I'll show it all to you
I'll break your chains, bend your confining bars
Please, let me help you to begin life anew


It doesn't say what I tried to say in the car during school, but maybe one day I'll be able to tell her what I was thinking.