Friday, September 10, 2004
I think my depression has been leading me in a downward spiral, and I didn't notice it until today.
I have no one. No one wants me. They've all just used me. When I do try to get more friends or a new girlfriend, something about me chases them away. I don't know what it is. What part of me do I have to change to please others?
My sexuality is out of the question... I've tried and failed miserably at changing that. I'm happy (well, okay, too strong a word. Content) with my religion, so that's not going to change. That just leaves my personality...
How am I supposed to change something that I didn't change in the first place? I didn't used to be like this, I didn't used to be shy or quiet or timid or anything like that. I used to be energetic and happy, friendly, outgoing, social...
I don't want to be here anymore. But I don't have a choice.
I have no one. No one wants me. They've all just used me. When I do try to get more friends or a new girlfriend, something about me chases them away. I don't know what it is. What part of me do I have to change to please others?
My sexuality is out of the question... I've tried and failed miserably at changing that. I'm happy (well, okay, too strong a word. Content) with my religion, so that's not going to change. That just leaves my personality...
How am I supposed to change something that I didn't change in the first place? I didn't used to be like this, I didn't used to be shy or quiet or timid or anything like that. I used to be energetic and happy, friendly, outgoing, social...
I don't want to be here anymore. But I don't have a choice.
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